THE BEST ADVICE IS OLD ADVICE.
In that spirit, below are my top 7 life rules from an 88-year old book:
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
These rules can be used for good (Warren Buffet attributes his success to the accompanying course) or evil (Charles Manson used it to convince others to kill on his behalf) or just having fun and gliding up the career ladder.
1. BECOME GENUINELY INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE
On the surface, this book is about flattering others so that you can manipulate them.
On a deeper level, this book is about teaching yourself to truly like people, which automatically causes them to like you, which then translates to friendship, and then professional loyalty.
2. REMEMBER THAT A PERSON’S NAME IS, TO THAT PERSON, THE SWEETEST SOUND IN ANY LANGUAGE
A common myth is that some of us are just “bad with names.” A less delusional way to look at it is that most of us aren’t really trying. Once we try, it works like magic.
3. TALK IN TERMS OF THE OTHER PERSON’S INTEREST
My favorite negotiating tip is don’t split the difference and don’t compromise. Instead, just find the one thing you both want. Turns out, that tip is 88 years old.
4. MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL IMPORTANT, AND DO IT SINCERELY
Years ago I was the super junior kid at an apparel brand. There was an SVP, seven levels above me, who would rave out loud in front of the other execs about my “good taste”, and always ask my opinion on product decisions.
The confidence boost that gave me is something I still remember today. Was he being sincere, or strategically endearing me to him for life? Both.
5. DON’T CRITICIZE, CONDEMN, OR COMPLAIN
Practical benefit: Constructive feedback is far more effective than criticism.
Deeper benefit: Eliminating negative talk leads to eliminating negative thoughts, which is a holistic life upgrade.
6. AROUSE IN THE OTHER PERSON AN EAGER WANT
Giving people instructions helps them go through the motions.
Giving people a reason helps them figure out their own motions.
Make people want what you want. Desire, as the author of another 80+-year old book said, is the starting point of all achievement.
7. TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN MISTAKES BEFORE CRITICIZING OTHERS
Today I was on a call with an incredibly impressive head of luxury retail, who was explaining why she left her last job.
She did it very simply:
Called out something specific about her style of working that wasn’t compatible with the company, then complimented the company.
This demonstrated multiple things: she is self aware, she’s professional, she doesn’t posture, she doesn’t take things personally, she can tell a story, she can do it succinctly, she’s more concerned with objective truth than with being right, and she’s comfortable with herself.
A truly amazing and rare combination of traits. All casually exhibited in two sentences.
Everyone has blind spots and everyone knows that everyone else has blind spots.
Someone is talking about yours. Might as well be you.
